I was wrong

Over the weekend Simon made me a cheese and pickle wrap for lunch.  It was horrible it tasted of chemicals rather than pickle, but still I did not think I was pregnant because my period had started right?  OK it was very light, incredibly light in fact, but I had seen that before, a couple of days of light period before the period proper.

I rang in sick on Monday, still feeling tired and under the weather though my sore throat had cleared up enough so that I could talk to Simon for at least fifteen minutes before ending up in bat squeak.

I think a light bulb went on in my head:  I was feeling really tired but it wasn’t flu because I didn’t feel achy like flu makes you; I had five days of very light period by now which was unheard of and although I was getting period pain they weren’t getting worse; some foods tasted really bad and I felt sick almost all the time even though I hadn’t actually been sick and finally my boobs felt really tender and had got a lot bigger.   I had had many of these systems before as part of PMS but I had never felt so tired or found that food tasted wrong.   But it took me a while to realise why there was a flashing light metaphorically going off above my head so sometime after dinner I decided to do the test.

I could see the lines develop that showed it was working and perhaps just the other line that showed I was pregnant. I went into the living room clutching the stick, showed it to Si saying “I think I’m pregnant”  And then immediately changed my mind because I couldn’t see the positive line.  I started to apologise for raising false hopes but Simon was squinting at the test saying “but there is a faint line here, what does it mean?”,   I had thrown away the packaging and the line was so faint so we rushed to the shop to get a proper, expensive test to double check.   This time the plus sign came through clear and bluely.  Simon clutched my hands saying over and over “Oh I love you, I love you”  Pregnant + Not Pregnant -

Today I went to work but frankly I couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to be doing.  I made a Doctor’s appointment for as late as possible in the afternoon it still made for a short day in the office.   When I got to my appointment I told the doctor I was pregnant so he redid the pregnancy test however the line was so faint on the strip he redid and on that strip the result was negative.  He was also concerned that I was experiencing “period pain.”  I hadn’t been worried about the pain up until that point.   He decided that I needed to have a blood test up at the hospital to confirm the pregnancy and then he made another appointment for me to see him the next afternoon.  By now I felt a bit shell shocked I hadn’t expected any of this he had also muttered about the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.

I went home to cry all over Simon, after the excitement of the day before I now feel completely crushed, although I still think I am pregnant I don’t know if I will stay so for much longer.

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