I was wrong

Over the weekend Simon made me a cheese and pickle wrap for lunch.  It was horrible it tasted of chemicals rather than pickle, but still I did not think I was pregnant because my period had started right?  OK it was very light, incredibly light in fact, but I had seen that before, a couple of days of light period before the period proper.

I rang in sick on Monday, still feeling tired and under the weather though my sore throat had cleared up enough so that I could talk to Simon for at least fifteen minutes before ending up in bat squeak.

I think a light bulb went on in my head:  I was feeling really tired but it wasn’t flu because I didn’t feel achy like flu makes you; I had five days of very light period by now which was unheard of and although I was getting period pain they weren’t getting worse; some foods tasted really bad and I felt sick almost all the time even though I hadn’t actually been sick and finally my boobs felt really tender and had got a lot bigger.   I had had many of these systems before as part of PMS but I had never felt so tired or found that food tasted wrong.   But it took me a while to realise why there was a flashing light metaphorically going off above my head so sometime after dinner I decided to do the test.

I could see the lines develop that showed it was working and perhaps just the other line that showed I was pregnant. I went into the living room clutching the stick, showed it to Si saying “I think I’m pregnant”  And then immediately changed my mind because I couldn’t see the positive line.  I started to apologise for raising false hopes but Simon was squinting at the test saying “but there is a faint line here, what does it mean?”,   I had thrown away the packaging and the line was so faint so we rushed to the shop to get a proper, expensive test to double check.   This time the plus sign came through clear and bluely.  Simon clutched my hands saying over and over “Oh I love you, I love you”  Pregnant + Not Pregnant -

Today I went to work but frankly I couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to be doing.  I made a Doctor’s appointment for as late as possible in the afternoon it still made for a short day in the office.   When I got to my appointment I told the doctor I was pregnant so he redid the pregnancy test however the line was so faint on the strip he redid and on that strip the result was negative.  He was also concerned that I was experiencing “period pain.”  I hadn’t been worried about the pain up until that point.   He decided that I needed to have a blood test up at the hospital to confirm the pregnancy and then he made another appointment for me to see him the next afternoon.  By now I felt a bit shell shocked I hadn’t expected any of this he had also muttered about the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy.

I went home to cry all over Simon, after the excitement of the day before I now feel completely crushed, although I still think I am pregnant I don’t know if I will stay so for much longer.

Up to the 19th of September

I still feel ill.

I’ve spent most of my time delicately draped across on one of the sofas like the sickly heroine of one of the more bathetic Victorian novels.  I don’t feel up to doing any thing more exciting that watching reruns on the telly, I don’t feel like playing WoW properly I go on line to check on my auctions but that’s about all.  I put it down to feeling poorly and pre Wrath ennui

I felt decidedly better on Monday morning so it was off to work I went with, if not with a “HiHo” and a merry tune on my lips, but feeling ready for another day at work.

I walked from the car park into the office with a colleague – in that distance my voice started to sound like a teenage boy’s just before it start to break and I began to feel my chest tightening up. By the time I got into the office I was beginning to squeak like a bat whisperer.

So they sent me home.

Tuesday – off work

Wednesday – off work and I think my period has begun, very lightly though but I’ve had that before, a couple of days of very light flow then the full works.  My boobs feel tender too but I’ve also had that before many a time so I ignore it.

Thursday – off work – began to feel better

Friday – today I wake up feeling that if I don’t talk too much I’ll be fine. I get into work, feel awful, squeak like a bat to my boss, promptly burst into tears for no better reason than I don’t feel well, get sent home again.

I seem to be ok if I do diddly squat, if I do anything for too long – talking, driving to work (remember it’s an hour drive for me), trying to concentrate – it takes it out of me I feel weak and feeble and just want to rest.  My period hasn’t got beyond the spotting stage but I still think nothing of it.

Early September

We took the first week of September off, we had intended to bimble about Norfolk and visit the shops but the weather was miserable and we didn’t really want to spend any money.  The second week of September I was back at work round about the 10th I started feeling ill at work, with a very sore throat, a temperature and feeling tired.  I decided to take a lemsip to see if it made me feel better but it didn’t – that’s the first time ever that a lemsip hasn’t worked its hot, lemony aspirin magic.  I decide to go home at lunchtime as I was obviously getting worse.  Thursday and Friday I feel no better, sore sore throat and a painful chest, my voice disappears to a squeak if I speak for longer than a few minutes.  I’ve spent most of my time dozing on the sofa watching re-runs of Quincy.